Chris and Jessica, married for 27 years… In a tiny pine bed overloaded with dogs, cats and old resentments, Chris lamented how his wife goes up to the loft every night with a bag of glass beads to make jewellery.
After a logjam of heated accusations, Chris finally asked her why she couldn’t sit next to him and do it ‘on a tray’.
‘I miss you,’ he said, simply.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she asked, looking amazed.
‘I thought you knew.’
‘Oh,’ she said, collapsing onto her pillow as if she’d been falling out of an exploding plane for a long time, and finally landed.
Caitlin Moran on TV, The Times, Saturday 17 October 2009 reviewing ‘Wonderland: The British in Bed‘
I watched this episode of the Wonderland strand on BBC IPlayer after reading this review.
It was quite fascinating. Three or four couples of varying ages and stages in their relationship. Couples who had been together for many years and some who were quite new to the relationship. And there were just so many variants in the ways that it is possible to love a spouse.
But it was Chris and Jessica who stood out. She had put on weight after problems in childbirth. She felt old and fat and needed to have his love physically demonstrated but when he didn’t, she replaced it with external activities. The sudden discovery that he loved her desperately but just didn’t know how or was unable to show/tell her was quite shocking. Not just to her but to this viewer as well.
I can remember that my Husband and I used to watch television together until he discovered the joys of a musical instrument. He went through an extremely irritating phase of strumming a guitar whilst I was trying to concentrate on a programme. Being me, I never expressed that but I guess my face must have shown it because he eventually got the hint and retired to another room to practise.
When I began to feel more and more isolated from him, I focussed more and more on my hobby and then I discovered the internet. It wasn’t long before I had replaced his lack of attention with the conversation of strangers on sites where my hobby was being discussed.
Looking back, I think he was probably a Chris. Unable to share his feelings for me, he wanted to be in the same room but he also wanted to indulge his own hobby at the same time, which meant that it was just impossible for us both to enjoy what we were doing.
Once the crack began to show, his behaviour over the children just drove a wedge between us until the chasm was unbridgeable.
Let’s hope the programme has been a wake-up call for Chris and Jessica and they can move forward together from here.
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