Virtuoso Lover

When Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb, first sent me The Virtuoso Lover, I was more than a little intimidated.

It extended to three volumes, the first of which was 177 pages long.

Gulp!

However, as instructed, I sat down and read it, without skipping bits and I started to understand exactly why Oprah values him so highly. This man really does get into the nitty gritty of what goes on in our heads when it comes to sex. Our sexual programming. What we’re actually looking for when it comes to sex. And what we need to retrain our heads to expect.

To become a great lover, a man must encompass both the emotional and the physical sides of his woman. He has to take into account that her mind may be on other things that do not naturally predispose it towards sexual relations. If he’s good, he’ll know what to say and do to distract her onto the goal that he has in mind. If he’s not, then he may end up having a very unsatisfying encounter.

Sex is about connection and involvement. It’s a joint venture, a mutual satisfaction thing. But it also takes into account the differences between the two genders and how the best sex can be obtained by encompassing, understanding and utilising those differences.

He talks about the link between a man’s behaviour in the bedroom and a woman’s subsequent reaction to it in the real world. Treat her right between the sheets and a man will benefit in the domestic arena later. And also how it works in reverse.

Because this book talks a lot about long term committed relationships and how they can die a death through lack of effort.

“The irony is that, out of the many uncontrollable emotional forces operating inside your woman’s body, one of the most potent is the yearning to be kissed and touched. She’s dying to be kissed and craving to be touched. She wants the warmth of another person and, in a committed relationship, the source of all that (and more) is YOU. The only one who can fill such an unimaginable need.”

If only someone had taken my ex to one side and explained this to him. Perhaps then he would have understood my frustration and unhappiness at the lack of public displays of affection.

It wasn’t that he did not do foreplay, he just didn’t understand that foreplay begins long before you set foot on the first step upstairs to the bedroom. It’s about positive interaction in the rest of the house and making your wife understand how much you love and desire her.

There is a great section on the different types of male lover, followed by another on how to be the best lover – two chapters that all men should read if they want to get the best out of the woman in their life.

Having dealt with the psychology of women in Part 1, Michael Webb moves onto the physiology in Part 2 with a comprehensive guide to what turns a woman on and the best ways to make her come.

Detailed insight into anatomy, as well as the cause and effect of certain actions and reactions. An acknowledgement that all women are not built the same and that there may be variations and adaptations required to what have previously been viewed as standard techniques.

And, finally, Part 3 is really about ensuring that you have great sex as a couple for the next 100 years.

Working together as a couple to indulge intimacy and the vital connection that provides the underlying foundation for any enduring love affair.

It’s a mental, physical and emotional thing that needs to be nourished and tended if it is to grow from a seedling into a maturity and which encompasses all that you are, both independently and as a partnership.

Enlightening and well worth the time spent, these books are a fabulous resource to which you can return again and again, especially on those occasions when you’re thinking ‘What the fuck was that all about? Why did the romantic evening I’d planned go wrong?”

Because it takes into account the hormonal changes in both a woman’s monthly cycle and her life generally, it helps a man to understand what may seem like irrational or neurotic behaviour that is deliberately pushing him away.

The Virtuoso Lover is the key to turning your relationship from a frustrating series of unsatisfactory encounters into a life-time commitment with the most fabulous sexual intimacy.