Virtual Peep Show

Dangerous Lilly certainly gave me something to think about earlier this week.

I liked what she had written. The honesty and the understanding of what it was that really turned her on. And I found the whole scenario titillating to the point where I would have liked to investigate that chatroom further.

For all that I am in a serious relationship with Ruf, there is a part of me that adores the frisson of having someone watch me strip, wank and come.

The thrilling arousal that being freed from my inhibitions and performing for someone else’s pleasure engenders. There’s no denying that, just the very act of thinking about doing such a thing, makes my nether regions start to twitch and moisten.

I guess it’s the same part of me that now continues with the exposure of HNT, even though my original reason for participating was to help improve my perception of my own body.

That facet of my character is much improved since those initial tentative HNT photographs, where I waited for people to laugh… or just not look at me at all. I was so used to wandering around the house, naked and ignored, that I didn’t think I was worthy of even a momentary passing glance.

I like the thought of people looking at my body. Hell, I like looking at my body these days! For a little old lady, I’ve not weathered too badly at all. I rue the wasted years when I thought I was so ugly. All the time, hiding my booty away under baggy sweaters.

But Ruf’s obvious approval and the positive comments that I received on HNT altered that attitude completely. I am a changed woman. I get all the attention and appreciation that I need.

Then recently, just the once, I was weak and needy and I succumbed to the temptation of a man. A friend on MSN. He was always asking me to take my clothes off. Sort of joking but half serious. But, more on that another time…

Did I enjoy it? Hell, yes. What’s not to enjoy about the look on a man’s face as you teasingly remove an additional item of clothing off camera and then whip in and out of shot, without staying quite long enough for him to get a definite image. A whir of blurred flesh… but enough to know that it’s a naked body part that he is desperate to see.

And then the moment where you stop moving and present the full view… and savour the admiration in his eyes.

Yes, the image of his face will stay with me for a long time.

It soothed my insecurity with a layer of emoliating balm and, for that, I am very grateful to him. Would I do it again? Well, he keeps on asking…

There is also a part of me that likes watching porn. Not so much observing men masturbate, but watching a woman being pleasured by a man or enjoying giving him head. That’s the sort of activity that really does it for me.

It’s not that I want to do it to her myself, the way Lilly described. I just find empathising with her position as the object of a man’s (or some men’s) attention very arousing.

I can remember the first time I watched porn. Ruf sent it to me. It was some German woman being taken up the arse over her washing machine. The sight of her little rosebud anus widening to accommodate the large girth of her husband/lover/significant other and then the way it stayed open after he withdrew, before the camera panned back to her face. Mouth wide open as she squeezed his semen into a gloopy puddle on her extended tongue.

Yup, that did it for me.

Perhaps I should encourage Ruf to put on more porn when we’re together… :)

And, most fortuitously, I got an email about just such a site today.

Porn for Ladies… Well, sort of, anyway