San Jupe wrote the most fantastic piece a couple of weeks ago. 25 Things You Should Know About Other People.
Almost all the home truths and homilies rang true, many with that horrible gut-wrenching guilty feeling, but these two seemed most relevant to the things that I write on this blog.
23. Most women get married because they want to have a wedding, most men get married because they are ready to settle down with a woman for the rest of their lives. Women, statistically speaking are more likely to suffer clinical depression if married, and initiate upwards of 80% of all divorces citing irreconcilable differences. People expect a significant other to change their lives and make them happy without any conception of how this change will take place. Sort of like assuming a college degree is going to guarantee you security in life without ever thinking of how this can be practically possible. I call this the “If you build it, they will come” approach to romance and one out of every two times it ends in divorce.
24. Most people are worried they’re not having as much fun as they should be. This usually makes men cheat and women nag.
In the book that Ruf and I have been reading ‘The Mastery of Love’ by Don Miguel Ruiz, he talks about all the insecurities that make us behave in ways that we don’t like – and nor does our partner. He explains why we do this and, more importantly, how we can avoid it.
He also recounts little stories that make the underlying principles easier to understand because we can relate to the characters in his parables.
I think one of the most important lessons so far is that no one can change your life, except you.
It may be that someone else’s influence can alter the way that you perceive things, but you should never become reliant on somebody to make stuff happen. That’s up to you. Dependence is never good.
Get out there and do it for yourself.
Sometimes the best way to counsel yourself and navigate your way through life’s experiences is to listen to the home truths and homilies of others… and learn from them.
OverRated/UnderRated Sunday
I spent nearly a year in therapy dealing with co-dependency and my need to have a spouse satisfy all my emotional and sexual needs. Co-dependency was just one of the reasons I was a serial philanderer many years ago in my first marriage. Great wisdom lies in learning that only we can provide our needs rather than putting the burden on a partner. Good thoughts in this item.
MrW, The Mastery of Love has been instrumental in teaching me so much about what I was doing wrong. The way I took things so personally and allowed other people’s off the cuff remarks and excess negative emotion to take me to the brink of destruction. I am learning to be self-sufficient and independent.