The Waddle

Ally: Do you love her, Richard?

Richard: I’m not sure… I think so, but it could be… maybe it’s just the waddle.

Ally: Excuse me?

Richard: On her neck. That’s what I go for with older women. The loose skin on their neck… the hint of a waddle. There’s nothing more arousing for me, the way it just gently hangs there. And Whipper, I mean… I mean her neck is pretty tight now but you can see the potential, it will be perfect! So perfect! I wonder do I really love her or just the impending waddle? It just makes me crazy!

Richard Fish and Ally McBeal

It starts off as the tiniest little tag of skin deep under your chin but, as you get older, the Waddle increases in size. I suppose that, in some cases, it could be seen as the appealling appendage so beloved by Richard Fish in Ally McBeal but, for many women, it can be the start of sagging jowls.

As I get older, I am ever more conscious of the impending signs of old age and, in particular, the skin of my neck. Like some demented witch, I was alert to the first crepey fissures that denoted the reduction in elasticity from the lack of collagen in the flesh there.

Watching ‘Brothers and Sisters’ recently, there were four women in the scene. Norah (played by Sally Field) in her late fifties/early sixties, Holly (played by Patricia Wettig) in her early fifties, Sarah (played by Rachel Field) in her early to mid forties and Rebecca (played by Emily Van Camp) in her early twenties.

The differences in the condition of their necks was fascinating. The young, plump flesh of the twenty year old through to the saggy, dimpled flesh of the sixty year old. Of course, it’s hard to find any illustrations of this because all photographic evidence has been heavily airbrushed but you’ll notice that in the second picture, Patricia Wettig is wearing a very fancy scarf to disguise her own problematic neck area.

I love Patricia. She used to star in 30something and has aged incredibly gracefully, seemingly without surgery, a feat which I view with a huge amount of admiration. Admittedly, Brothers and Sisters is produced by her husband, Ken Olin, so she is bound to get some help when it comes to lighting and camera angles but that lady is still looking really good.

Not content with the crepey texture, women of a certain age can also be distinguished by the prominence of the tendons that stretch up from the base of the neck to underneath the jaw. It doesn’t matter how much work they have done on their faces, it is their necks that give them away but the idea of having some of this work done fills me with horror.

Type 1
Younger patients with mild blunting of the mandibular border with or without microgenia and submental lipodystrophy.
Treatment
Ultrasonic-assisted liposuction with or without adding an anatomical chin implant.

Type 2
Older patients with mild laxity of the submental area, with or without microgenia and submental lipodystrophy.
Treatment
Ultrasonic-assisted liposuction, unidirectional Quill® barbed sutures, with or without adding an anatomical chin implant.

Type 3
Older patients who exhibit the findings in Type 2, and who have short, thin platysmal bands that end at the hyoid.
Treatment
Closed liposuction, open neck contouring from submental incisions incorporating the Quill suture system for midline platysma placation and contouring.

Type 4
Older patients who demonstrate the findings in Category 2 and have long platysma bands that are visible from the clavicles to the jawline.
Treatment
Closed liposuction of the neck; preauricular, postauricular, and submental incisions with midline platysma plication and contouring with the Quill SRS bidirectional sutures; a backcut of the plastysma muscle at or below the level of the cricoid cartilage, as well as an extended SMAS/platysma rotation flap and a double layer sling support of the neck utilizing the Quill SRS system.

Despite my skinny frame, I may have some blurring of the mandible, along with mild laxity of the submental area and long platysma bands that are visible from the clavicles to the jawline. However, the idea of having lyposuction and surgery to correct these imperfections just seems perverse. I guess I could put on some weight to fill out the looser flesh but I suspect that will serve only to accentuate the mandible blurring and waddle, leading to actual jowls.

Of course, Ruf laughs at me when I complain about my ancient neck and point out all its imperfections. He loves kissing me there, delights in finding my pulse and placing his lips upon it. His view is that no one is going to be looking for baggy skin there if I’m showing off my fabulous cleavage and decolletage. So, I guess it’s a case of remembering Gok Wan’s tips in ‘How To Look Good Naked’ and dressing well. V neck shirts rather than round, which serve only to accentuate your baggy neck. Necklaces and scarves which draw the attention downwards.

Oh, and an awful lot of upbrushing with my fingers when I’m applying moisturiser. That’s definitely supposed to help.