The Kiss

Ruf and I love to kiss. And, from the moment that I placed that first fateful kiss upon his cheek, my body knew that he was the man for me – even though my mind was full of doubts. I wasn’t going to kiss him but he was standing next to another friend and it seemed churlish to exclude him as I said goodbye. That’s what Fate is like.

The clash of pheromones as I reached up and put my lips to his face was palpable – well, for me, anyway. Moments later, stunned and reeling, I was enveloped in a crowd of other departees who all wanted to be kissed and when I emerged from the scrum, he was gone.

According to Channel 4′s The Sex Researchers, we have all the tools we need to choose the right partner – making the decision are our unconscious mind and supplying the information are the five senses. These work hand in hand, constantly sizing up our potential mate and the first step is to kiss them.

A romantic kiss is possibly the most intimate behaviour in which two people can participate, moreso than sex itself. Face to face, we’re engaging all our senses and we gather that information to decide whether we’re compatible with the other person and if we want to pursue a deeper relationship.

As well as an exchange of saliva, packed full of hormonal clues about the other person, a kiss stimulates five of the 12 cranial nerves so there is incredible stimulation and all of the five senses become activated. You can see them clearly, smell them, hear them, feel them and taste them. In a matter of seconds, the exchange of signals can tell us if someone is likely to make a good mate.

In one study of over a thousand people, over 50% had started a relationship and begun to fall in love with someone, only to have everything dashed by that first kiss.

My first attempt at kissing Ruf on the lips came some moments after I first walked into his flat. I was almost shaking with fear so it’s not surprising that our first kiss was a somewhat nervous affair – not made any better by the fact that I was not confident of my own kissing ability since it was not a sexual technique that I had practised much for the previous two decades.

It’s very important to him and so we have worked on it – our snogging sessions are drawn out expressions of our love for each other – and now I can understand and appreciate the intensity of the stimulation it provokes.

It was a kiss that first brought us together and refining and enjoying our lip touching is a hobby that we both actively pursue.