I wrote a much better version of this over at Fortitude and got paid for being on the Front Page
It was a piece over at Sage’s and suddenly I was transported back over thirty years.
It was their eyes that I remembered most, then the faces because, as I looked up and our eyes met, they quickly looked away.
They knew that I was not enjoying the experience, but they couldn’t work out if it was because I didn’t want to do it or, more likely in their own insecure minds, that they were not doing it right.
Whatever the reason, they certainly were not prepared to stop.
Well, you may ask why I was there. How had I allowed myself to get into such a situation where a boy was pressing me down and frantically trying to push himself inside me? And, with no foreplay, how could he have hoped to achieve such an end?
In most cases, alcohol was the culprit – in one I was almost comatose lying on a bed when I woke up to the insistent thrusting and became aware of the weight on top of me. That one surely was semi rape. And yet, because he then wanted me for his girlfriend, the following day, I met him at his friend’s house and allowed him to repeat the process. I cannot claim the influence of alcohol, only that I did not know how to say ‘no’. It seemed somehow rude, since he was clearly bestowing his affection upon me with his actions. Read More
Britni, I don’t necessarily blame them because, if you haven’t been there, you cannot necessarily understand… which is how the problem occurs in the first place.
Ta muchly… and thank you for the inspiration. When I write these things, I realise how far I’ve come x
Thanks, Robbie. It’s taken decades but she’s finally getting her act together :)
I relate, too. And I'm so sorry that you went through that.
The comments on Sage's blog saying it's “not is fault that she didn't stand up for herself” make me want to strangle people.
Excellent post Cake. I'll repost and link it back tomorrow. There is another one too posted that is out there I will link tomorrow too.
Good stuff.
What a powerful message. I'm in awe of this little girl.
Thank you for the post from Sage's question. It means a lot to hear someone relates. I am not sure it is explainable to someone who hasn't been in this position. Who hasn't laid there making their mind go elsewhere waiting for it to just be over.
Date rape, attempted rape, unwanted or forced sex from my spouse I have been there. Have I said no? Not loud enough I guess.
Thank you for voicing your understanding
I guess it touched a raw nerve x
Thanks for letting me know Dee, all is now in working order. Grrrr!
The 'read more' and the 'Fortitude' links aren't working, alas. I did want to read more…
xx Dee
And now I've been able to. Thank you so much for writing this, Joanna. I was in that place once upon a time as well. Your closing sentence? Gorgeous, and very true.
xx Dee
Thank you. It’s been a steep road, but Im getting there now :)
Yet another thought provoking post, having lived similar situations, I like how you develop this, and it makes me think of how I have or would have reacted. It scares me to think about future dating, I hope that with age I would know how to handle it properly.
My recent experience has shown me that I still have not moved past this. I am still too worried about offending people to draw attention to their inappropriate behaviour.