Remote Controlled Vibrator

When I opened the door to the communal entry area, it was staring me in the face. A package addressed to Joanna Cake… with my real address.  Big black letters indelibly printed on the cover for all the world to see.

A moment of panic washed over me to be honest. Sometimes my two lives collide in gut-wrenching fear of discovery. It’s not that I have anything to be ashamed of, but the prose of my alter ego might not sit so well with my employers.

Undeterred, I furtively picked up my parcel and scurried up the stairs hoping that the postman had been late and it had only sat there for a few minutes whilst everyone else was out at work.

Reading my review of the latest incarnation of their rampant rabbits – The Big O – and my observation that my arms were not long enough to reach the buttons due to the length of that toy, the lovely Jess at Ann Summers had suggested that I try their remote controlled vibrator from the range.

And so, the Rampant Rabbit G Pulse Remote Control duly made its entrance.

The only remote control vibrators that I have experienced have been novelty devices – little eggs that you shove up inside you and then hand over the buttons to someone close to your heart.

This remote controlled rabbit was rather different, being the first of its type and exclusive to Ann Summers. Not that you can’t shove it in and hand over the controls but it’s a little more sturdy than those other devices. Built just like its other siblings with a shaft and some ears affixed to the front, it is shocking pink and made of PU – I should point out that it is not waterproof and so I took great care when giving it an initial clean.

At 6.75 inches, it’s shorter than both the Big O and the Deluxe Thruster models and has a curved end as if someone has smacked it into something hard but this serves to make a sticky out lump that will press against your G Spot.

Learning from my experience with the Tickle My Fancy, I inserted the four AAA batteries into the shaft before I removed the protective film, but all was well so away we went.

There are six pulsing functions and one vibration setting in the shaft, plus four pulses and three vibrations in the bunny clitoral stimulator,so let’s work through them.

In the shaft, the sequence is three pulses up the length of the shaft, four speedier pulses, three very quick pulses, three longer slower pulses, a ‘Close Encounters’ type pulse that is all over the place within the shaft and ears, and then two continuous buzzes, one stronger and deeper than the other.

The ears have three speeds of vibration and then ‘Air Raid’ – a pulse which starts off low and rises to a crescendo before lowering down again, a staccato jab, a speeded-up three pulse jab, a fast jab that reminded me of the rhythm a dog uses when it humps your leg and, finally a continuous whirr.

These are controlled by an on/off switch at the base of the shaft which lights up three red buttons above it to show that it is on. Then you work your way through the various modes via the rabbit button and the shaft button immediately below.

The remote control is shaped like a fat leaf and takes another two AAA batteries – fortunately I found a whole new pack of ten in the drawer because there was a moment of panic when I thought I might have to leave this experiment until another day when I could pick some up. It has an off switch in the centre with + and – shaft control buttons to north and south and R+ and R- rabbit ear controls to east and west. You have to point the tip at the base of the toy to make the connection. If the duvet gets in the way (as mine frequently did because it was a bit chilly this morning) it doesn’t work.

Lubed up with some of the new Ann Summers G Pulse lube, it slides in very easily due to the nature of the material and so I started to put it through its paces. Everything was very pleasant and the modes on the shaft were particularly effective, especially the Close Encounters function which really did hit the spot with its almost rippling effect up, down and around my insides.

Lying on my back with my legs spread, by bending my knee, I was able to wedge the base in place with my heel and lie back all relaxed as I operated the controls from a far more reachable distance. It’s very well thought out but there was just one problem. Those damned ears.

The flexibility of the material meant that I could bend the rabbit part and push the ears onto the relevant part and, in the past, I have complained that they felt too sharp. However, now, I found that they were not hard enough. It was as if they vibrated on either side of my little button, never quite hitting the sweet spot.

Maybe it’s me though? I know that my clitoris is tiny and that other women really enjoy the effect of the rabbit ears. Perhaps it’s because I have the female equivalent of a micropenis? Whatever, I finally gave up with the ears, grabbed my favourite big-headed clit stimulating wand from the drawer and rammed it under the ears onto my poor frustrated clitoris. Combined with the fabulous pulsing inside me, it took about 10 seconds to hit the mother lode.

Another toy to take to Ruf on my next visit :)