Rampant Rabbit Thruster Review

Joanna Cake vs The Rampant Rabbit

The Rematch!  This Time It’s Personal!

So, on this sunny Saturday morning in downtown suburbia:

In the blue corner, we have the Rampant Rabbit Thruster Deluxe

From the Ann Summers stable and weighing in at 6.5 inches tall with a 5 inch girth, the new
Rampant Rabbit Thruster Deluxe has three unique thrusting modes so powerful that ‘it feels like the real thing’ and three intense clitoral vibration settings.

Fighting under the tagline ‘boldly thrusts like no other Rabbit has thrust before’

And, in the red corner, Joanna Cake

5’2″ and 48 kilos worth of determination to hate it and win again.

Fighting as  ‘the Discombobulator’

ROUND ONE!

I was determined not to like it.  When the nice people at Ann Summers offered me the chance to review one of their range, I was very excited and immediately very disappointed when they said it had to be a Rabbit.

Me and Rabbits have history.  Back in the early part of this decade, over a period of two years, I discombobulated four of them.  Just with the strength of my infamous pelvic floor muscles, I totally disconnected the prop shaft from the engine room, leaving me with a base full of power but nothing doing up top.  I took one back to my local store and exchanged it, I tried the double version but, when they all gave up the ghost, I refused to contemplate purchasing another ever again.

And I remember how much I hated the ears at the front.  I found them sharp and unpleasant.  So much so that I would lift them out of the way and stick my toothbrush underneath to attend to that area.

When it arrived, it looked pretty much the same as those earlier models.  So I put it in the corner for a few days since the lovely Ruf was staying with me.  What need did I have for a Rabbit, when I had a bona fide human thruster to hand?

ROUND TWO!!

Ruf had gone home and a week had elapsed.  I woke up on a sunny Saturday morning with the inkling of an urge upon me but it was somewhat dampened by the knowledge that I was going to have to bite the bullet and review that bloody Rabbit.

Resignedly, I got the box, removed the wrapping and gave it a wash before returning to bed.  It was blue, it smelt of new vibrator and I didn’t really fancy it much.  Still, with the knowledge that most of the reviews I do are pretty positive due to me carefully selecting the toys myself, I would at least be able to write something dismissive on this occasion.

I got onto my computer to check out the statistics and ensure I knew the beast with which I was dealing.  Unfortunately, the Ann Summers site is very cagey as to it’s actual composition.  I can understand their reticence because they don’t want to give anything away to their competitors, but it makes it tough to know which type of lube to use.  So, erring on the side of caution, I used one which is water-based.

I whacked some lube on the shaft and glans, put it on the dresser and tried to get myself in the mood with an old favourite on my clit.  When I thought I was ready, I reached out to grab the Rabbit and knocked it on the floor, from where it rolled under the bed.  On retrieval it was covered in fluff sticking to the lube, so I had to start again.  Wash, dry, lube, use old clit stimulator to get in the mood.

ROUND THREE!!!

Tried to insert.  It was far too big and I just wasn’t properly ready.  So I knuckled down to the job in hand and began thinking about something more appealling than the fact that I was just about to break another Rabbit.  With the other stimulator on my clit, I took myself almost to climax and then began to insert the Rabbit.

And that’s when things started to get interesting.

It was big.  But nicely big.  Once I’d got it in, it felt rather  good.  It filled me up in a way that other more luxurious and famous vibrators do not.  It felt like a penis.  I put down the other clit stimulator and began to investigate the buttons.

They’re nicely arranged at the base of the handle.  One easily depressible pad with three speeds for the clitoral stimulation from the ears and a second for the thrusting action of the shaft.

I switched on the ears.  Not quite as scratchy as I remember and it felt rather pleasant.  Up to mode 2 and mode 3.  Begrudgingly,  I began to acknowledge that this might not be such a bad item to review after all.  I should also point out that, although I’d switched on the radio to disguise any noise from my neighbours, it was an unnecessary precaution because the Rabbit’s motor is extremely quiet.

ROUND FOUR!!!!

Switching the attentions of the ears on my clit down to one, I thought I’d try out the thrusting motion.

Speed 1.  Oh! It really did simulate the motion of a penis just getting started.  Slow and rhythmic, getting my juices running and rubbing exactly where my Gspot sits.  I could really get to like this.  It was very pleasant indeed.  Taking the clitoral stimulation back up to setting two and then three.

Then Speed 2 of the thruster.  God, it felt good.  Like a man getting into his stride.  Back and forth, in and out. Rubbing me up the right way and changing my mood completely.  For quite some time, I lay there just submerging myself in the experience.  Then, opening my knees wide, I could feel the tingling in my toes which normally precedes a good orgasm.  And this time was no exception.

But, was I satisfied?  Of course not.  I knew there was more juice in the tank and so I cranked up the power, conscious yet again about the lack of motor noise.

Thruster No 3 come in please!  My “virtual man” was getting towards his climax.  Urgent, hard and fast!  Shafting me ever deeper as I clung on with every ounce of power in my pelvic floor.  Clenching my Gspot into the friction of that fabulous movement as I felt the tsunami release inside me.

I never even heard the referee counting to ten as I went out for the count and he gave the decision unanimously to the contender.

Much, much later, Ruf telephoned to ask what I’d been up to.  When I explained that I’d spent the morning being satisfied by a Rabbit, he was incredulous.  When I told him about the man-like thrusting, he became quite dejected.

‘So, I’m superfluous to requirements now then?’

Well, of course not.  I can remember thinking, just before the final denoument, how much I wanted his arms around me, his weight and warmth on my exposed skin.

‘Hmmm, you want me to hold you whilst that thing does its business…?’

I don’t think the momentary hesitation was helpful but I did manage to reassure him that I’d far rather have him satisfy me than any plastic beastie.  Because, when it comes to thrusting, Ruf is a King amongst men and his stamina and rhythmic ability are beyond compare.

However, at the back of my mind is the knowledge that, when he’s not with me, I do now have a very able substitute – although I still say that the ears are too sharp.

I shall keep you posted on its durability when it comes to regular usage but, for now…

Rampant Rabbit Thruster Deluxe – A five star review and, no, you can’t have mine!