Practical Parenting

“I know you love them but sometimes you find them so entertaining that you forget to parent them. This is important. When they were little and they would act out and we would say, ‘Relax, they’re young. When they’re older, they’ll get it’…?

“We have a lot of work to do in a very short time and if you and I are not in synch, then I am afraid it is not going to happen.”

Lynette Scarvo ‘Desperate Housewives’

If only I could persuade my Husband to watch the scene that preceded this, where Tom said he would deal with the delinquency of their twin boys because he felt his wife was being ‘too hard’. This involved sitting down with them and laughing about their exploits as if he was their friend and then rescinding the grounding and giving them permission to go to the School Prom.

Lynette’s response was to agree with her husband and give the boys the keys to the convertible that he had spent the last five years restoring so they could ‘arrive at the Prom in style’.

Tom started to get the message after that and learned that you cannot always be both parent and friend during their teenage years. There are times when you have to draw the line in the sand and say that enough is enough and such behaviour will not be tolerated.

Sadly, my best efforts have not borne such fruit.

I wish I hadn’t had to be angry all the time.

I wish I hadn’t always had to be the bad cop.

But, by leaving, I have now become a neutral.

Because I am not involved in the disputes from the beginning, I can enter the fray and help my children to talk through their issues calmly rather than exploding and, thereby, setting off their reciprocal fireworks. And, more than anything, I can explain to them the consequences of their actions upon each other and the people around them in a way that I could not when I lived under the all powerful shadow of their father who would neither complain to them nor support me when I did.

I truly believe that in attempting to be the perfect ‘Brady Bunch’ family, we have all lost the ability to teach our children how to behave. We are too close to the epicentre of the resulting tantrums and no one wants to be unpopular.

But our failure to set proper boundaries and enforce good behaviour is producing a generation of disrespectful selfish monsters who think only of themselves and the immediate gratification of their desires with no thought of how that might affect the other people around them.

The time has come to face up to our responsibilities and understand that to be a good parent is not always to be a popular one in their teenage years but, as they mature, they will respect in retrospect all the boundaries and the lessons that were given.

And, if two people cannot parent properly in unison, then it must be done separately by one to achieve the goal of producing responsible, caring and considerate members of society. You only need to look around you to see how important this is and that consistent and continual failure to address these issues with our youngsters is no longer an option if we all want to live happily ever after.