Mothers, Sons and a Tight Forskin

When my son was sitting on the potty at approx. age two… That separation occured. I was a little freaked. Because there was some blood. Not much, just a little. His father accused me of being obsessed with his penis. Hello? I had to research on my own about the separation from the glans. Part of my research turned up that my then mother-in-law had forced my husband’s foreskin off the glans and he had to be circumcised as a result. Apparently that was common medical advice at the time: force it back.
Sulpicia

When my children were small, the advice was to ensure that a boy pulled his foreskin back so as to clean underneath it thoroughly.

However, as with a lot of young boys, my own son had quite a tight forskin and he didn’t want to even try to pull it back. As a consequence, we had to deal with repeat infections of balanitis – where the end of the penis becomes red and inflamed. Visits to the doctor resulted in bottles of antibiotic medicine which my son proceeded to spit everywhere because ‘it didn’t taste good’. We tried every flavour, every variety. We used syringes, mixed it with syrup, offered a bar of chocolate afterwards and even tried big treats as bribes – but always with the same result. He never once got more than one dose into the course before refusing to open his mouth and ingest even a drop and, once he knew what was coming, even that first mouthful never happened.

To try to deal with the cause, I did put hands on him once to try to show him how to do it but it seemed to me to be wrong for me to be manipulating such a delicate piece of skin with no knowledge and no sensory perception as to the result of my tugging. Quite apart from the feeling that, if the healthcare worker saw me, I might be facing charges of an altogether different nature.

I asked his father to help with explaining the mechanics of the exercise since he, too, had the relevant piece of equipment and the knowledge of its workings but he was very unwilling and seemed to think that it should just be left to our son to sort it out for himself.

Looking back with the knowledge that I have gained from writing about phimosis, I understand now that separation of the glans from the foreskin had not taken place properly and to have forced the retraction would have caused damage in the form of scarring which could have affected his foreskin as he got older. At the time, all my maternal instincts just knew that it was wrong to try to make him to do something was clearly a problem, even if the results of my inaction were causing other side effects.

Faced with being stuck between a rock (my son’s refusal to take the antibiotics or pull back his tight forskin) and a hard place (my husband’s decision to let nature take its course without any interference or assistance from him), I was in a quandary.

In the end, I went onto the internet to find a way to at least deal with the infections. So, if he got an infection or it looked like he was getting one – he would complain that it was stinging when he peed – I would reach for an eggcup and fill it with boiled water that had been allowed to cool to warm. Add in a few drops of echinacea (a natural herbal antibiotic) and then get my son to dip his willy in it for a few minutes.

It worked every time. Eventually, nature did take its course and, by the time my son hit puberty, he was able to retract his own foreskin sufficiently well that cleaning it properly was no longer an issue.

Of course, by this time, there was absolutely no way he was going to share that type of information with his mother – but he did stop complaining of the stinging, so I’m pretty sure that all is now well.

So, my advice would be to leave well alone. If his father will show him what to do, then that’s brilliant but never force the issue. If it’s quite clear that the retraction will not happen without pressure, then separation has not fully taken effect and tugging at it will only cause damage and set him up for a preputioplasty (a small operation where a cut is made to loosen the tight ring around the top of the foreskin) or even circumcision when he becomes an adult.

The advice given above is not a substitute for proper medical guidance. If your child’s penis becomes red and swollen, you should always take him to the doctor straightaway.