Men and Abortion

“I am very pro Choice. I believe it’s a womans right. But, from a scientific and human perspective it’s hard to argue against the fact that life doesnt begin at conception. Even if it’s only in organism form. I suppose I am desperate for Roe to remain law in part mainly to reaffirm my own moral position.”

“How many procedures were you a part of?”

“Two.”

“Do they haunt you?”

“Let’s just say they weigh on me.”

“Do you really think Roe will be overturned?”

“I dont know. You know Sarah Palin talks about how proud she is of her teenager for choosing to have the baby but the truth is if Sarah gets her way then her daughter wont get a choice at all.”

“If it comes before the Supreme Court, probably it’s game over.”

“Probably. And they do purport to be tough on crime.”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“Well if it’s possible Roe v Wade has brought our crime rates down.”

How do you figure?”

“Well Roe became law in the 70s and studies have shown that the typical child that went unborn after Roe was more likely to have come from poor families and single parents and they are the very children most likely to have grown up and become criminals.

“After Row became law many of those children were aborted. The would-be criminals of the 90s were never around because they werent born in the 70s.”

“You’re making all this up?”

“No, there’s a book – ‘Freakonomics’.”

“So legalised abortion could actually bring down the crime rate? Wow! Does that make it easier to feel ok about your decision?”

“No.”

Allan Shore and Denny Crane, Boston Legal ‘Roe’

I’ve already talked about the Freakonomics aspect of this post. The main reason that this dialogue between Allan and Denny stuck in my head was because it made me think about Ruf and how he might feel about the termination that threatened to blight our relationship.

And the fact that staying with me permanently will rob him of any chance to procreate for himself.

At the time, he was vehement that there was only one choice and, often, my insistence on ‘emotionalising’ the act and giving the baby an identity made him quite upset.

It was not his first foray into this territory but, unlike Allan Shore, for Ruf, the practicalities are that it was, and always will be, just an inconvenient blob of cells that needed to be removed. However, the method of its removal and the effect that it had on me were extremely upsetting and concerning for him.  That’s why he will never denigrate or decry the way that I dealt with that terrible time and he understands the way I need to view it.

Like Allan Shore, Ruf has no children. Is that what really makes Allan so wistful and sad about the terminations with which he was involved? The thought of what might have been because he would love to have offspring of his own? Or are words being put into his mouth by the writers who, having kids of their own, feel that a single man with no progeny must, naturally, regret this state of affairs?

Ruf has various nieces and nephews and he is involved in a major way in the upbringing of the offspring of a lot of his friends, helping to mould many of the hyperactive children into focussed, civilised and confident human beings.

Whilst part of him may wonder what it would have been like to have kids of his own, he can see the reality of parenthood, up close and personal, on a daily basis and appreciates his own space and independence as a result.

But, if men do have some form of body clock, will he look at me when he’s in his late fifties and resent me for the fact that he has no children of his own?

Will grandparenting any progeny from my kids satisfy the paternal need in him?

I have no answers, only questions that bubble up from underneath the sugar-coated veneer of our wonderful relationship and threaten to spoil everything.