Lubricant For Intercourse

During one of my first visits to the Ann Summers store on my local High Street, I can remember perusing the stand that held the various types of lubricant for intercourse.

KY Jelly was the substance of choice in most people’s bathrooms at that time. In fact it was one of the standard brands referred to in stand-up comedians’ routines. Every schoolboy knew what KY did – it was the stuff that old ladies spread on their girly bits so they could still have sex with elderly gents… or cucumbers… and, even more smuttily, it was also used for gentlemen’s assignations in public toilets on Hampstead Heath! Both subjects which could produce routines of enormous comic ‘ewwwwww’ potential.

However, seeing the bottles on the display and remembering some of the difficulties I had experienced accommodating the girth of my first Rampant Rabbit, I wondered if I could do with some help.

So, with one hand clutching a new Rampant Rabbit to replace the one I had discombobulated only the previous day, I decided that perhaps entry would be helped by utilising one of the types of gels in the bottles before me. In those days, there were only one or two varieties on display so, it wasn’t so hard to choose and I came away with the turquoise coloured Slide ‘N’ Ride which seemed to adequately describe the purpose for which it was designed.

Again, back then, sex toys were mainly made from plastic or jelly and lubes were water-based but it was not long after, that silicone started to hit the shelves and careful customers were having to make a decision that matched the lube to the toy because the friction of silicone on silicone was likely to cause tiny pits in the fabric of expensive toys and overriding their hypoallergenic and hygienic properties.

The Slide ‘N’ Ride definitely helped and so I became a convert to the use of personal lubricant. I didn’t see it as a reflection upon my own ability to produce the required amount of moisture, purely a helpful aid that meant I could keep going and going – just like my Duracell Bunny powered toys.

A couple of years later, I began seeing Ruf one weekend a month and it wasn’t long into our relationship when he expressed a desire to fulfil his fantasy to be penetrated by a Dominatrix (or should that be dominatrice??, there seems to be confusion on the subject). I decided to research the equipment on line at Ann Summers and purchased a strap-on dildo, a baby butt plug which was less intimidating as it was somewhat slimmer in diamater and a pump-action bottle of the aptly-named for purpose ‘Back Door Please’. I can’t remember if it was silicone-based or not and seems to have been replaced with the more aurally pleasing ‘Booty Lube’, which doesn’t specify. Back Door Please was a clear/white coloured liquid which was extremely slippery. However, it was still not sufficient to bring that adventure to the Rufly Anal conclusion that Ruf had anticipated in his dreams.

Looking at the Lubes ‘N’ Licks tab of the current Ann Summers website, it became obvious that lubes have now become almost fashionable, but certainly an accepted and pretty crucial accessory to love-making as there must be getting on for a hundred different types from which to choose. Water-based or Silicone, Edible, Flavoured, 2 in 1 Massage, Heat Producing, Tingly, Fizzy, Mood Enhancing, Orgasm-Promoting, Super Slippery, Just For Cocks and not forgetting the newer ‘Green’ lubricants which are coming onto the market made from Parabens-free and all Natural ingredients.

Some ranges of toys even have their own specially designed lubricants. G-Pulse lube is a super slippery and gently warming lubricant which works in harmony with the G-Pulse vibrators to further intensify the stimulation and give bigger, longer-lasting orgasms… I certainly enjoyed the experience when I tried the G-Pulse Remote Controlled Vibrator.

Personally, my first exposure to the flavoured varieties of lube were rather sickly and synthetic, leaving me pulling a very Dame Edna-ish facial expression and slapping my lips together like a pensioner with no teeth. This rather nasty experience means that I am not tempted to try again. However, there are several younger ladies of my acquaintance who actually eat Pina Colada flavour at every opportunity – whether there is a man attached to the process or not. I guess it’s all to do with whether you like today’s Alco-Pop flavoured drinks. Again, not really my cup of tea because I would rather have a proper cocktail made with real fruit juice….

Durex Tingle left me tingling a little too enthusiastically so that I found myself scrubbing at my most sensitive parts in the shower trying to get the damned stuff out, it was so itchy – although I like and regularly use both their Feel and Heat versions. The 2 in 1 Massage Oil/Lube is a product which promises much but, by trying to be a Jack of All Trades becomes a master of none. As a massage oil, it is far too sticky and, as a lube, it is not enduring enough.

Mood enhancing and orgasm-promoting lubes can also be a bit hit and miss. I tend to save the latter for when Ruf and I have been on a marathon session. That point at which your most erogenous zones are starting to become a little desensitised from repeated action. If you whack on some of the orgasm-promoter, you get a little bit more out of the area – often resulting in the best climax of the entire encounter.

I have tried a lot of the ‘Green’ lubricants and, in many cases, they are as good as their chemically-derived competitors. However, they are considerably more expensive and the jury is out on whether avoiding parabens and synthetic sweeteners does actually exacerbate the yeast problem for those women who are susceptible to thrush infections.

However, that kind of brings us back to the beginning with Ann Summers XY Gel, a clear, odourless, non-greasy gel in a tube that that lasts for ages and can be rehydrated with a quick spritz of water or saliva. Now that’s something worth trying, as opposed to some of those bottled versions that leave oil slicks on the sheets if you pump or pour too enthusiastically.

Lubes are no longer just the butt of comedic gags, they make sex more interesting, more comfortable and more enduring – whether it’s vaginally, anally or purely for masturbation. And, if you’re not sure which one to choose from the plethora on display, you can’t go wrong with a branded lubricant for intercourse – the Ann Summers Silicone Satin is very good if you need something super slippery (but not for use with silicone toys) and they still do that first type I ever purchased: Slide ‘N’ Ride – a fragrance-free and water based multi-tasker that does exactly what it says on the bottle.