It’s not easy being a parent, particularly not these days when there are so many extraneous computerised influences on top of any peer pressure.
Channel 4′s Sex Education Show looked at kids and porn. They showed a group of parents what it was possible for their kids to access without any difficulty whatsoever.
Watching the look on the faces of some of the parents as they watched what the presenter described as ‘a woman being penetrated by several men’ and then seeing one woman in tears as she was shown ‘a woman putting her fist into the vagina of another’, I suddenly realised what a difference the computer has made to my own perceptions of sex.
I was once one of those parents – innocent and naive. It made me realise what a difference my own exposure to some of the less mainstream acts and proclivities of the sexual universe has made to my reaction to such activities.
The programme gave a checklist for parents who want to protect their children from seeing some of these unsuitable acts.
Be realistic – they’re going to see it, whether it’s on the computer or the phones of their friends.
Talk to your children and help them to understand that there is more to sex than they see on the internet. Real sex is about love, emotions and relationships – pornography is not.
Pornography very rarely deals with safe sex and its risks of STIs and pregnancy.
If you’re concerned about what your kids are doing, move their computers into a family space where you can keep an eye on things. Check their internet history and put parental control software on both their computer and their mobile phone – or buy phones that don’t have internet access.
Give them sufficient knowledge to understand that porn is not reality and to be able to have happy and fulfilling sex lives of their own.
I do love looking at porn (I’m a sucker for the authentic amateur vids) and porn was NOT prevalent 15-20 years ago. I do have a challenge cut out for me to navigate my offspring thru the porn-infested teenage years. :(
The endless wave of slasher / horror movies aimed at teens is the source of exponentially more damage and deadening than 98% of the sex porn anyone can view on the internet, IMHO. But most parents don’t give a shit about that and go freakazoid about sex. I’ll never get it.
I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be a kid today in terms of porn access. They can instantly call up images of ‘everything’. When I was growing up we used to get turned on by underwear adverts in store catalogues and early (and very tame) Playboy. Now a child can access stuff I hadn’t even heard about until I was in my teens — and I was relatively sexually precocious. I don’t believe in censorship per se, but there is much room for guidance, as you suggest wisely.
NV, I think openness is absolutely crucial. My son always used to say ‘Why is it that I can’t get in the car on my own with you without you talking about condoms…?’ and masturbation jokes were also prevalent in our house. These are natural bodily functions that require a certain stimulus. To my mind there should be soft porn channels aimed accordingly. Not everyone finds fisting erotic…
Sunlover, I agree totally. I am far more scared about the effects of wall to wall violence than I am about a few people having sex outside of the confines of a marital bed. And, as you say, it is actually easier to control our children’s access to the latter than it is to the former which seems not to provoke the same level of authority outrage. According to studies, seeing graphic violence on tv and in computer games does not affect our children’s minds. Well I don’t know which children those scientists were studying but I have seen the change in behaviour of my own kids after watching these movies over and over again. And I think that’s the problem. It’s continual exposure. Not cowboys and Indians once a week for 30 mins and then us playing out our memories of it. Kids today get to pause and rewind the same vile atrocities over and over :(
MrW, I fear for our kids in the future when it comes to sex. Instead of searching for the gentle loving side of intercourse, they will be constantly seeking out new thrills and excitements because that’s how they are being programmed. It’s very sad.
I am not a parent, but I think that it is so important for parents to educate their children when it comes to sex. My mother acted as if sex did not exist and that really was a disservice to me. I was left to learn about sex on my own.
Sabrina, one of the things of which I am most proud is that my daughter is not afraid to ask me about sex. My mother once commented that I would never have spoken to her about such matters… but it was a different generation, a different mindset. More openness has to be the key to a lower pregnancy and STI rate.