“Does he know about Ruf? You probably should tell him”
My husband has been a part of my family for thirty years and it’s bound to be awkward for them. They still invite him for all the family parties, including Christmas and, truthfully, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
However, that also makes things difficult for me in terms of moving forward.
I want to introduce Ruf to my nearest and dearest properly but trying to find a slot in their busy social schedules is somewhat problematic.
But I persevere because I want to give them time to sit down and talk with him. To get to know him like I do because they cannot help but love him.
And yet there is always doubt.
He is so different from my ex… and, for me, that’s what is so good.
You see, he is not from my world. So can his rough exterior really be shoe-horned into an environment that is so safe and protected without at least some form of minor abrasion?
Add to that the small matter of imparting his presence in my life to the man who dominated it for the previous three decades?
A man who did not want to discuss my love life when he was its object.
I doubt that he will be interested to hear about it now.
Honestly? I think you’re over-thinking it. You’ve split up, you’ve moved on, you’ve got somebody else in your life. And that’s what your family would be expecting, unless you’d gone into a nunnery. They’d also be expecting Ruf to be different to your husband, otherwise you’d have stayed with the original. Which doesn’t mean there won’t be a few awkwardnesses; you’ve probably forgotten the ones you had thirty years ago. ;-)
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You’re a better person than I for even considering it. I’m very much a believer that exes should have the courtesy to fall off the face of the planet; it’s a bit different in your case because you have kids, but I doubt the emotions are that dissimilar, even if your actions must be.
Rhacodactylus recently posted..Richard Feynman – Not Knowing
In time everything is possible. Last Christmas my son bought his girlfriend home for the first time to find me sitting between my current and ex-husband. There have been times when such an occasion would have seemed impossible; but we have managed. Neither man is in the least bit interested in each other and are never going to be friends but are able to share family events for the sake of our extended families. Yes, there may be difficult moments but it gets easier with each event and after a while it is as it is and no-one thinks about the individuals, just that it is a family event and these are the people who attend. Good luck xx
That you love Ruf and he loves you SHOULD be enough of a testament for your family. That being said, life doesn’t always work that way. While your ex may be part of the “family” he didn’t want to be an active or productive part of your life. His feelings about Ruf really shouldn’t influence you, in my opinion. Ruf loves you and he will be fine with your dear ones, because even if it takes time, they will see how good he is for you.
Rhac, Thing is, I dont hate him or even dislike him. In many ways I still love him and care about him. And I do find it odd that the people closest to me try to tell me how to manage him when I’ve been trying to do that for 30 years and failing miserably. It’s best to just do my own thing and let him react and respond rather than try to instigate any conversation. He feels more comfortable as an ostrich and comes up for air when he’s ready to deal with things.
TutTutRe – It’s comments like that which give me hope x Everyone behaving like a grown up when the situation demands for the sake of the kids and a good atmosphere. The initial meeting is bound to be tense and I certainly will not force that issue. Thanks for the words of hope and encouragement x
Hey Nitebyrd – Im hoping that your version of good sense will prevail and my husband is a very civilised individual who certainly would not cause any ruckus or bad feeling. As in so many situations, it is other people who put a spanner in the works because of their perception of how someone should be feeling/reacting to circumstances.
My wife was with her ex for 14yrs. We had beers there yesterday while we watched my stepson racing his dirtbike. His father is a very good man and we get along fine. Not everyone is willing or able to do this, but it is possible for some.
TitforTat – Im loving the stories of the T people. Thank you, this gives me such hope because I know that they are both good men too x