Like many British men, Ruf loves the sound of leather hitting willow and the last couple of weeks have been filled with Test Match Special on the radio.
I have to admit it’s been a part of my life for a long time – Test Match Special with Johnners, Aggers, CMJ, Blowers, Geoffrey and Tuffers plus a variety of chocolate cakes and the most hysterical comment of all: “The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey”.
As we made love on a leisurely Saturday morning, they provided a relaxing background commentary to our own sexual gymnastics and then later, as I addressed the issue of two days’ washing up, they accompanied my labours.
On this particular Saturday, the lunchtime guest was Giles Coren, a renowned restaurant critic, schoolboy cricketer and occasional cricket journalist. I have always enjoyed his work – both his culinary reviews in the Times magazine and the BBC programmes on food through the ages.
“But what has this got to do with Vibrator Reviews?” I hear you cry!
Well, Aggers and Giles were discussing whether being paid to do something that you love changed the thrill of it. And it was a question that I had pondered earlier that morning as Ruf and I sat in the clutter of this month’s selection of items for my perusal.
Giles and Aggers both agreed that they no longer actually did the things they loved – unless they were getting paid for it. If Giles just wanted to get something to eat, he would not trek all the way to Dorking to try out the latest Chinese but would, quite happily, frequent the gastropub at the end of the road. It sells edible food quickly and affordably. Aggers too admitted that he very rarely sat down to watch a cricket match unless he was commenting on it.
So, if I no longer had a regular supply of vibrators to review or lingerie to model, would we have sex with such frequency or ferocity?
But, as Ruf said, I now have so many sex toys and pretty outfits that we could just go back to the beginning and work our way through them, reacquainting ourselves with past pleasures.
There must come a time when our libidos are less in charge – truth to tell, I know things have dropped off since those heady days when I would arrive on a Friday evening after a long drive and find myself being pounded over the nearest item of furniture before I’d even taken off my jacket. Where we would stay in bed for the entire weekend, stopping only to eat or take tea. And then I would leave again at dawn on Monday morning without having seen the daylight.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean that the love making is any less experimental or intense. It’s just not quite so enduring and we take time between sessions to explore the other facets of our relationship, rather than just sleeping to recharge the batteries before the next onslaught.
But my enjoyment of the interview was more than that – Giles also said that he likes to play the angles when he reviews. His determination not to become repetitive by using the same phrases and his assertion that there are only so many ways in which you can describe the crunch of fresh corn on the cob took me back to the review that was formulating in my head.
He doesn’t want to get boring, which is why I enjoy his writing so much. He makes it his business to keep me entertained with fresh language and an unusual approach.
And that’s how I feel about my vibrator reviews. It is not enough for me to say it buzzes like this and I came like that. Where’s the fun in that? I always try to find something a bit more interesting to surround the situation and, hopefully, entertain my Reader.
Which is how I came to win a bet with Ruf that I couldn’t get Giles Coren, Test Match Special and Vibrator Reviews into the same post… and he will now be doing both the cooking and the washing up this evening.
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