Feel - The Anniversary

It wasn’t Robbie’s fault, but this song was one of the reasons behind my decision to tell my Husband that it was over.

A year ago today, after months of mulling it over, I sat in the hairdressers and knew that it had to be done.

Now. Today. As soon as I got back to the house.

The real me is full of life and has so much love to give and, like it says in the song, my aim had always been for it to fill the house that I live in…

I yearned to recreate the happy homes that I had seen in my childhood, watching from the battlefield of my parents’ disintegrating marriage, but it was patently obvious that, despite my best efforts, I had only managed to perpetuate the cycle.

I had submitted and given in and not fought for what I believed in because I thought a life without arguments was better for my children than the continual rows that had punctuated my own adolescence. And now, no matter what I tried to do, my unhappiness was making everyone else miserable because I was dying inside.

I no longer understood how to redress the balance and turn things around. The truth was that it had become an impossible task under the current regime and the only way forward was to give myself the space to heal.

So at just after 8pm on 26th March 2009, I put my Husband’s tea on the table and I sat down and told him that I would be leaving.

To know that I could move away from the years of numbness and try to feel again.

The future suddenly beckoned.

And I reached out both my hands to grasp it.