Essex Girl

I have often described myself as an Essex Girl. But, when Lazy Phil posted this link from the Urban Dictionary I started to wonder if that was actually a very good idea. I mean who wants a soubriquet that gets these listings as a definition:

blonde, dumb, easy, sleeps around, drunk every night, is known for being a slut, stupid, cheap, hair tight to head etc

Errr… no!

A (young) woman from the England county of Essex. In popular mythology an Essex girl is supposedly stupid and obsessed with sex.

Errr… not that either!

a “common” (or very common) girl, not very bright, both overdressed (in cheap jewellery and tacky fashion) and underdressed (displaying her assets), always materialistic (loves shopping), likes drinking heavily (alcopops will do), and fucks indiscriminately and like a bunny, preferably with guys with a bit of money and claahhhss, but after a few drinks … well, has to ask her best mate “Who WAS that guy I was with last night, ‘Chelle?”

Well, I do enjoy shopping occasionally…

some of the most beautiful girls in the world come from essex

essex girl: “I think i’ve got concussion.”
paramedic: “How many fingers have i got up?”
essex girl: “oh! don’t say i’m paralysed too.”

Now that one did make me laugh!

. Another name for a rudegirl or chavette. Orange face. Gold hoops. Burberry bag. Tracksuit. Men’s hoodie. You get the idea.

Nope, none of the above

cheap, easy, loud and dumb

Well, that’s up to my Reader to decide.

Personally I think I’m more of a PEG – a Posh Essex Girl. And, no, not one of the Essex Wives.

Apart from a couple of fumbling teenage moments, I have had one boyfriend who took my virginity, one husband, a virtual fling, two minor transgressions and one lover in the 29 years since I was 18 – and none was with a Diamond Geezer (although our paths have occasionally crossed). My face is resolutely white. I have nothing in Burberry and a man’s hoodie would trip me up.

Just as I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of penises with which I have been in contact, the same applies to my sessions with either a manicurist or pedicurist. I have never been near a Botox party or considered having my lips plumped up with collagen. My wrinkles and my body are all my own and I intend to grow old disgracefully without resorting to surgeons and artificial injections.

Yes, I do have a potty mouth which takes people totally by surprise – not because I swear a lot but through my ability to inject smut into almost any subject matter.

I must also confess to having, at one point, been the owner of a pair of white stilettos and also to pronouncing girl as gel with a hard ‘g’ but are either of those really enough to convict me?

So, why did I describe myself as an Essex girl in the first place? Because I live there and I dye bits of my hair blonde… and people automatically seem to make the assumption that the two things equate.

Yes, I think I prefer to be a PEG and was about to write a post accordingly… but then the Lazy Philosopher sent me to this.

Perhaps if I really must have a label, I should stick with ‘Life Blogger’…