Dealing With Separation

You married us, me and the Mrs 25 years ago right there. Why should you remember us? One couple in thousands and it’s the daughter’s turn next. I’ve got to give her away next week and make a speech.

Jimmy McGovern, Accused

Because for me it wasn’t all about that. Younger flesh.

Sure, Ruf was in a lot better shape than my husband who is 16 years his senior.

However, it’s well documented that it was his love and appreciation that made our relationship last. If my spouse had been able to produce even a tenth of the affection that Ruf bestows upon me, who knows how the marriage would have panned out. Maybe we would have achieved my cherished goal of 25 years or even a Golden Wedding.

But it was not to be and now we are dealing with separation. Watching the first episode of Jimmy McGovern’s ‘Accused’, these lines really struck home with me. Especially the following morning when the father of my children picked me up for a family trip to the cinema. It opened up a whole smorgasbord of emotional upheaval.

Whether it’s separation or divorce, being parents means that we have to maintain some of these core interactions for the sake of the kids, even if they are not such children any more. It is important to both of us that we continue to be able to communicate in a civilised fashion.

Sitting either side of our offspring, it reminded me of days of old, not necessarily happier times because I am a much more contented and cheerful person these days than I ever was then. The joy of my new life buoys my soul and allows me to be magnanimous, tapping into the care that I still feel for my separated spouse. I hate the stresses and strains that supporting us all puts upon him and I sigh at some of the less wise decisions. But I still want to look after him. I don’t want any harm to befall him and, despite himself, I continue to try to protect him.

Whilst part of me continues to resent him for his contribution to the failure of our marriage and the fact that I have to watch him drive away with my children and go back to my home whilst I return to my empty flat, another part still loves him.

And yet, despite all that, his behaviour, his comments and his attitude have not changed. He can still make me feel ‘this big’ with one flippant remark and that’s what I remember as I close the door behind me.

Losing the ability to stay 24/7 with my children was the price I paid to regain my independence.

Do I really want to contemplate losing it again?

And, more importantly, with a man a few years my junior, is he going to look at me in a few years time and require firmer flesh?