Checklist For Moving House

1. Bag up all soft furnishings like towels and bedding – no point wasting boxes on those.

2. Wrap and box all breakables ensuring that the bases of boxes are taped to avoid unfortunate spillages.

3. Bag or box shoes/footwear.

4. Pull drawers from units and wrap in a black sack – it makes items of furniture lighter and avoids having the removal men admire your exquisite Ann Summers lingerie.

5. Set aside a special box for vibrators.

Filling this box brought back a whole host of happy memories. My toy box is actually one of the drawers under the bed and, as I sorted through to make optimal use of the space in the large carton that was to be their home for the next few days, Albert 2 (my Clone A Willy) – on being put less than carefully into his place – activated himself.

That’s when I knew that this box would be the one that would require my personal attention when it came to removals. But, more importantly, that it must go first on the day before the actual move to ensure no unfortunate and embarrassing incidents.

Particularly as the noise it made rattling away in the box was akin to an extremely loud food mixer.

There would be no explaining that away without a very red face.