One of the schoolmums stopped to chat with me.
We exchanged pleasantries and she asked if I was happier now that I was living in my own.
I confirmed the affirmative and proceeded to tell her a little about my new business enterprise.
She seemed entralled which, to me seemed a little excessive.
But then she said:
‘I love talking to you.
‘You are so brave and so determined.
‘You got out of a bad situation and now you’re making a go of something new.
‘To me, you’re an inspiration because you make it seem as if anything is possible.’
To be perfectly honest, I was a bit embarrassed at her effusive praise. So I thanked her and scuttled on my way.
But, the more I thought about it, the more I understood how it must appear. On the outside, I am always positive and I do focus on what I have achieved now, rather than the misery that I went through.
I sometimes wonder if she would be quite as supportive if she knew about the rest of the baggage in my holdall.
And then I wonder if the fact that I am now a confident, forward-thinking woman, who is determined to go out and achieve her goals, completely outweighs some of the rather grubby methodology surrounding the journey to get to that state of mind.
Let’s hope so.
Good girl. I admire your courage, and you know I admire your candor and honesty about who you are in terms of wants and needs.
She may not be as supportive, yet that really doesn’t matter. As long as I can look yourself in the eye and know that you’ve done the right thing, that is important.
My Mum used to remind me – frequently! – that nothing truly worthwhile comes without work.
It’s a lesson you’ve now lived, and the fact that it’s often been a struggle and that you might not be as confident, determined or forward-thinking as you appear to be is an irrelevance.
What matters, surely, is that you’ve done what you felt needed to be done *despite* all of the “baggage” and that is well worth admiring :-)
Maybe she is a bit envious of you. You know, perhaps she wishes she could get out of her own difficult situation and follow your lead.
I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh, but I wonder if your ex-husband would have cared anyway had he known about Ruf. He obviously couldn’t be bothered to respect you or to make love with you, so in my mind the great qualities this woman sees in your appearance and what we, your readers, see in your writing is very much someting that your ex was not interested in.
Lately my credo is to concentrate on today and the future.