I want to hold on to this feeling.
It hurts and it’s horrible, but it’s really important.
In the dark days ahead, when I’m on my own in my new flat and miss my children desperately; when I start to beat myself up about how I could have put up with it for longer, done things differently somehow, I need to remember what it felt like today.
To know that I had lost my children. Their affection and their respect.
Despite all the unpleasantness I have sucked up and the time and effort I have put in to remain and look after their well being, they have turned against me.
And I need to remember that it was because I married someone who is too gutless to do the right thing when it comes to parenting. Who would rather join their gang and remain popular than fulfil the role of a father and instill ethics, morality and respect in the face of their opposition.
One of my children has called me a cunt.
And, instead of knocking the miscreant into the middle of next week, my Husband proceeded to ignore the issue and allow the offender treats all weekend because the original cause was ‘not his argument’.
Three days later, in the light of the consequent escalating disrespect, it took a horrified plea from me, for him to request that an apology be made. This was done on the basis that I should ‘accept the apology properly’ and that it would lessen the time frame for the loss of privileges that I had instituted.
After that, no one wanted to talk to me or spend any time with me because I had insisted on the removal of internet access from the guilty party for a month. They all knew that their father did not agree with this; that the punishment was down to me and that, at the first opportunity, he would find a way to return that access without my knowledge.
They are also well aware that I will have to attempt to deal with any future misdemeanours in the full knowledge that I do not have his support.
The lunatics have taken over the Asylum.
Picture courtesy of http://www.schizodoxe.com/docs/2007/09/risques.jpg
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